help me, i think im falling ap : by More by Anonymous User
submitted Tuesday Jan 26th, 2010
Love
last week i told my friend i was in love with her, but i did it through a note, and she took it pretty badly, first se lauhed cause it was a shock and she thought i was joking, then i was embarrassed around her so instead of going to the canteen at lunch i went to the libary,then as i was about to leave she came through the doors and i knew why she was there, and it was to have a go at me, cause she had her two mates with her one of them i knew and am friends with, then she stopped me on my way out cause she knew if she didnt i would just carry on walking, and she asked me why i wasnt talking to her and i said "i am talking to you im talking to you now arnt i?".
then te next day she and her friend and sister came in to school and leah (her friend) shouted "lesbian" and it was really embarrasing cause im not a lesbian, and i hate being called it, and i was with my friends and most of them didnt know.then i was planning on skiving my last lesson, english. because s was gonna be there but she saw me texting my bestfriend about it and said, " your pathetic you are, your thinking about skiving english cause im there, youve been saying you dont want to go to college cause im there, you dont want to walk in corridoors in case you bump into me, and so what you feel how you feel, that was yeasterday ive forgotton about it, so you need to, and you better go to english, and you will sit next to me, and you need to stop avoiding me".
"what do you want me to say? that im scared?" i said
then on monday, this week, her bestfriend was back in school who was skiving last week, and s told her and they were being horible in p.e and acting like my friend one minute and the next like they hated me, then at lunch s's best friend got all her mates to call me a whore, im not sure weather it was because of what happened or because that lot hate me, which they do, but then today s was being really nice she didnt talk to me much, but at break when i sat in the canteen with her and all my mates i was sitting a little far from the table and she pulled my chair forward so i was sitting next to her and helon.
but its like a yo-yo with our friendship one minute shes y friend the next shes not, sometimes it seems she only cares when she wants something, but im really confused and i love her even though shes horrible at times but nobodys perfect and i know its wrong and sick to feel this way but i do and i cannont get over her, i havnt eaten since lat week when it all started and i dont plan t either, plus ive been self harming for months now and i cant stop because things keep going wrong in my life, i feel so depressed and i feel sick because its wrong to be in love with a girl espesily if theres no possible way on this plannet or any other she would ever feel the same way, i just wish our friendship would be fixed and be back to normal cause its really upsetting me and its all my fault and i plan to keep suffering untill ive sorted it out cause i can't live with out her, shes all i ever think about and i cannont get her out of my head.
and i think im falling apart
please help me, if you can, please
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